


Doubts

by Khylara



Category: Boston Legal
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khylara/pseuds/Khylara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the eve of their wedding and their case with the Supreme Court, Alan needs a little reassuring from Denny</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Missing scene from "Last Call"

 

I glanced at the neon green numbers of the bedside clock, cursing under my breath when I saw 2:17 AM. _Supreme Court first thing this morning…Nimmo Bay and our wedding later this afternoon…and I can’t sleep._ A loud, grunting snore sounded from the other side of the bed and made me sigh with relief. _At least he still can._ With everything that had happened over the past few days and the promise of another long day ahead, Denny needed whatever rest he could get.

 

Gingerly sliding out from under Denny’s arm, I climbed out of bed and shrugged on my robe. _Let him sleep_ , I thought as I brushed my lips across the older man’s graying temple. _No sense in both of us being awake and there’s nothing he can do anyway._ I sighed; this time, my doubts, my fears were all my own.

 

Going out onto the suite’s balcony, I settled into one of the wrought iron chairs and gazed up at the star-filled sky. It was a beautiful night, not too cold, with a full moon rising over the Capitol building. But I didn’t have the heart to appreciate the rare quiet and beauty of Washington DC. I was far too worried about what tomorrow might bring.

 

_I can’t screw it up_ , I told myself over and over again. _Not one word, not one moment…it has to be perfect._ Usually I didn’t have any doubt as to my legal ability; while my win/loss record isn’t perfect like Denny’s, I was good at what I did and I knew it. This time, though, I couldn’t just be good. I had to be great, and not for my sake, but for Denny’s.

 

Because it would only take one mistake.  One slip, even just a misspoken word, and the Supreme Court would rule against us. The drug would be denied him and then what would happen? Federal approval was years away. There had been no luck in getting him into one of the trials and even if there had been with those there was always a chance of a placebo. And Denny had admitted that he was slipping – without intervention, how much longer would it take for him to slip even further away from me?

 

_Not long_ , I thought, my heart aching. The doctor had been clear on that. At the rate of his progression combined with Denny’s age, it wouldn’t take long at all if he didn’t get help to stop it. The current drugs on the market had helped, but the results of his latest MRI had made it obvious that they weren’t working anymore. He _needed_ this. And since he couldn’t fight for himself, I had to fight for him.

 

But what if I lost? That one thought scared me more than anything – more than having a gun pointed at me, more than even clowns – and it was enough to bring tears to my eyes.  I had accepted the fact that I would probably outlive Denny – he was almost thirty years older than I was after all, and still lived like he **was** thirty – but that acceptance had been tempered over the years by his condition.  That fact – outliving him – I could bear, but what I couldn’t accept was losing him to the slow insidiousness of his mad cow.

 

If I lost this, if the Supreme Court ruled against us, that meant I would lose Denny that much sooner.  And if I lost Denny…

 

What would I do if I lost him? 

 

“Alan?”

 

I turned to see Denny standing in the balcony’s doorway, a robe thrown over his own striped silk pajamas. “What are you doing out here? It’s almost three in the morning.”

 

I quickly turned his head; I didn’t want Denny to see the tears on my cheeks. “Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you so I came out here to think. Get everything straight in my head for later.” I paused. “What about you? Everything okay?”

 

“Fine. I just rolled over and you weren’t there. Nearly fell out of the bed.” Coming closer, he stood in back of my chair and put a hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

 

I shook my head, resisting the urge to lay my cheek against his hand. He’d know something was wrong if I did that – I only get clingy when I need comfort.  “Nothing. Like I said, just can’t sleep.”

 

He snorted. “You have got to be the worst liar I’ve ever known,” he grumbled as he moved in front of me.  Two fingers angled my chin up, and his eyes met mine, staring at me for a long moment before he brushed his fingers over my face. “Those tears better not be for me.”

 

I turned away. “What if they are?”

 

“I don’t want your pity.”  His voice was stiff; if there was one thing Denny still had, it was his pride.

 

“It’s not pity.” I gave up; grabbing his hand, I clung to it as if my life depended on it.  It did in a way; over the years Denny’s become my rock, my solace, my very strength. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life, and that included my late wife. Without that love - that often infuriating, impossible but wonderful love - I could only see two futures; the rest of my life alone, or downing an entire bottle of scotch before jumping off our 15th floor balcony.

 

I couldn’t bear either one of them.

 

He sat down next to me, his other hand going to the back of my neck and beginning to rub. “What is it then? I’ve never seen you like this.” And he hadn’t. Not once in the years we’ve known each other has Denny ever seen me cry.  “You can’t be nervous. You’ve been in front of the Court before.”

 

I shook my head, sniffling. “Not nervous. Scared.” At his incredulous look I continued. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. If I screw this up…”

 

“You won’t.” Denny’s voice was firm as he continued to rub.

 

He sounded so sure. How could he be so sure?  “You don’t know that.”

 

“Yes, I do. You’re good, Alan. Almost as good as I was when I was your age. And that’s saying a lot, comparing you to a young Denny Crane.” He paused. “You can do this. I know you can do this.”

 

I leaned closer as his fingers brushed through my hair. He was trying to soothe me by doing the little things he knew I loved, but it wasn’t working this time. “How do you know?” I couldn’t help asking.

 

“Because I know you. And I trust you.” He squeezed my clutching fingers. “You’re the only person I know who can fight this and win.”

 

God, why was he doing this? I know he was trying to give my ego a boost, but it was only succeeding in making me more nervous. “What if I don’t?” I had to ask.

 

“You will.”

 

“Denny…nothing’s sure about any of this.”  Do you know how hard it is to be the voice of reason when that voice is shaking? There was so much riding on this, so many things that could go wrong…

 

“I’m sure about you.” He was calm as he brushed his fingers over my face, caressing the tear tracks away.  “Anybody else fighting this, and I’d be worried. But I’m not with you. Not even a little.” He smiled. “Want to know why?”

 

“At this point I think I really need to know why.”

 

“Because you’ve got love on your side.” His voice softened as his eyes met mine.  “You will fight for this with everything you have…because it’s not just for any ordinary client. It’s for me.”

 

That did it. I sagged against him, burying my face in silk-pajamaed chest. Strong arms wrapped around me, nearly taking my breath away, but right now I needed that strength, needed the proof that he was going to be okay behind it. And he **was** going to be – if it took every breath in my body, every beat of my heart, I was going to win this. And not just for Denny or for me, but for both of us.

 

For our future together.

 

He held me for I don’t know how long, not saying anything, just giving me what comfort I needed in the form of his embrace. Finally, he drew away enough to cup my face in his hands. “I love you.”

 

I couldn’t help smiling at that; he’s said it I don’t know how many times, but those three little words never fail to send a warm feeling through me.  “I love you, too.” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him into a lingering kiss.

 

Moments later, he drew away enough to look at me. “No more doubts?”

 

I shook my head. “No more doubts.” Which was the truth.  I wasn’t going to worry about whatever setbacks or problems later might bring any more tonight.  Not when I had Denny and his faith, his love right in front of me.

 

Denny nodded, a satisfied look on his face as he took both of my hands in his. “Come back to bed, then,” he said as he drew me to my feet. “Long day tomorrow. And you’re the one who said he didn’t want puffy eyes at his wedding.”

 

Laughing, I let him lead me back inside. “And if I still can’t sleep?”

 

Slipping off his own robe, he grabbed the sash to mine and began untying it. “I’m sure I can think of a few ways to exhaust you,” he said as he pushed it off my shoulders. He gave me his best leer. “After all, I’m Denny Crane.”

 

Laying down on the bed, I pulled him back into my arms. “Yes, you are.”

 

 

 

 


End file.
